


The Words to Say

by slightlytookish



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Canon Era, Episode: s01e01 Currahee, Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 01:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17498729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlytookish/pseuds/slightlytookish
Summary: There was absolutely no reason for Nix to be there, hanging around Easy Company in a muddy field at 0530 when he could – and should – be back with the rest of battalion staff. And yet, there he was.





	The Words to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 101st Birthday to Dick Winters! I've never been happier to share a birthday with someone.

January 21, 1944  
Aldbourne

There was a field exercise scheduled for Dick's birthday that was set to take up the entire morning and most of the afternoon and, if U.S. Army incompetence had anything to do with it, had a good chance of dragging on into the evening as well. They were delayed already; the order to march should have come over an hour ago, the men were growing increasingly restless, and there was absolutely no reason for Nix to be there, hanging around Easy Company in a muddy field at 0530 when he could – and should – be back with the rest of battalion staff.

And yet, there he was, catching Dick's eye as he picked his way through the platoons. "At least it isn't raining," Nix said by way of greeting as he emptied his pockets of four Hershey bars, all of which he tossed in Dick's direction. "Happy birthday, Dick."

Dick caught them awkwardly, pressing them against his chest with one arm so they wouldn't fall to the ground and get lost in the mud. "Thanks, Nix."

"Two of those are from me," Harry said, sidling up to them. "Don't let him get all the credit. Happy birthday."

"Thank you," Dick said again, looking between them and feeling a smile tugging at his lips despite his growing irritation over the delay. Around them the men weren't paying any attention – it looked like Compton was trying to get a game of pick-up football started, and Luz was offering up his helmet to use as a makeshift ball – and Dick didn't expect any birthday greetings from them anyway. He hadn't expected them from anyone, had thought this would be a day like any other, but he should have known that Nix and Harry would remember. 

"Sorry it isn't ice cream," Nix said, and he did look sorry about it. "But my sources tell me that Mrs. Barnes is making something special for your tea this evening."

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Good to know that keeping tabs on British housewives' cooking is part of your duties as S2."

"You mean it isn't?" Nix said, grinning. "Wish someone would've told me. There's also the fact that Harry and I swiped some jam from the officers' mess for her, but who's keeping score. So, see you tonight? I'll make sure to come around in time to get you into bed."

" _Nix_." Dick was glad it was too dark for anyone to notice the blush he could feel creeping up his neck, and happier still that Harry was laughing at them in his guileless way. Sometimes he wondered just how much Harry knew or suspected about him and Nix. At moments like this he thought it couldn't be much, or else Harry was just very good at not letting on. 

"Oh, relax," Nix said. "You're asleep by what, 2200? I just want to make sure you're out of the way, so I can have my share of whatever miracle Mama Barnes is cooking up with all that jam." He turned to leave, coming close enough in the gloom to brush against Dick and let their hands touch, just for a moment. Then he moved away, and Dick had to force himself not to reach out and pull him back.

"Bye, Harry," Nix called over his shoulder as he disappeared into the darkness. Dick watched the spot where he'd vanished for a long moment, flexing the fingers of his still-tingling hand, before he began putting the chocolate bars away in his pack. 

* * *

There were jam tarts with tea, and Nix did turn up in time to snag one. He lingered at the edge of their little group, sneaking sips from his flask when the Barneses weren't looking and licking jam off his fingertips until Dick had to bodily turn away from him before he gave himself away by staring for too long. He was always looking at Nix too much, his gaze catching easily and often on Nix's hands and his mouth, and if he wasn't careful it was going to get him into trouble one day.

He figured Nix was just waiting around for Harry so they could go down to the pub together as they did most evenings, but when Mr. Barnes announced it was time for bed Nix didn't follow Harry out the door. Instead he appeared at Dick's elbow and nudged him in the side. "Come up with you for a minute?"

Dick hesitated. They never even sneaked kisses at Dick's billet; there was too much of a chance of getting caught, and anyway, he respected the Barneses too much to ever want to try anything there, no matter how much Nix teased him about it – which he did, and often. But that didn't seem to be Nix's intention tonight, no matter what he'd insinuated earlier; he hadn't made any attempt to lower his voice so that the others wouldn't overhear, and he was pulling a bundle of papers out of his pocket that made Dick frown. If it were an urgent message from battalion Nix would have said something earlier, surely. Nix raised his eyebrows inquisitively, still waiting for an answer, and Dick finally nodded, letting Nix go up the stairs ahead of him.

"You didn't think the Hersheys were your real birthday present," he said, handing over the papers once they were in Dick's room. Dick unfolded them to find a couple of weekend passes to London.

"Figured we'd find some decent chow somewhere, maybe see a show? I don't know what's playing. Anyway, you decide, it's your birthday."

He was clearly going for casual, his voice carefully nonchalant, posture poor and slouching against the doorframe, as if Dick wouldn't notice just how brightly Nix's eyes were shining, or the way his expression was just so darn hopeful. It used to make Dick nervous, knowing that he could crush Nix with just a word – that Nix could do the same to him, that they'd both given each other this power willingly and without any thought of self-preservation – but now whenever Dick thought about it he just felt something warm and happy settle in his chest, like his heart couldn't contain everything he felt and it just had to escape somehow. Sometimes he couldn't believe that he had Nix in his life, that this thing between them had grown and blossomed from their first days at OCS into something like love. It was love for Dick anyway, and he thought it might be love for Nix too, though neither one of them had ever come out and said it.

Dick dropped the passes onto the bed and reached for him, his hands on Nix's shoulders as he tugged him away from the open doorway and into the corner of the room where they wouldn't be seen by anyone who walked down the hallway unless they poked their head inside, and Dick would hear them coming by the creaky floorboards long before then. He kissed Nix then, long and slow like he'd wanted to all day, his hands rising of their own accord to cup Nix's face.

Nix's mind was lightning-quick; it was one of the things that had drawn Dick to him right from the start, what had led him to seek out Nix's company in those earliest days at OCS. But he thought it made Nix restless sometimes, prone to reaching for a cigarette or his flask when his hands got twitchy and his mind raced ahead to the next thing, and the next and the next. And yet he never felt Nix drifting away when they kissed like this. It was always as if he were focusing all of his energy on Dick, on this moment, and never rushing through it. His stubble scratched Dick's cheek but that just made Dick chase after Nix even more, pressing him against the wall and kissing him until he needed to catch his breath.

Nix looked about as dazed as Dick felt when they finally drew apart, though he recovered quickly. "So that's a yes, then?" he said, laughing as he ducked away from the pillow Dick threw at him. He was still grinning when he left the room, clattering down the steps as Dick stood watching from the top of the stairs, face flushed and smiling down at him.

* * *

London was gray clouds stacked across a gray sky, and Dick pulled his collar up against the cold drizzle dripping down the back of his neck as Nix steered him away from the Red Cross billets and down one small street and then another and another until Dick wasn't entirely sure where they were, only that they were standing in front of a hotel. 

"Nope, I don't want to hear it," Nix said when Dick protested the unnecessary expense. "It's your birthday."

"My birthday was yesterday," Dick pointed out, and Nix ignored him in favor of heading over to the front desk. 

Once Dick saw their room, though, he decided that Nix had the right idea. The room was rather plain – he felt certain it was nowhere near as fancy as the sort of hotels that Nix was used to – but there was a sturdy door with a functioning lock and the knowledge that for the next 48 hours they wouldn't have to worry about Harry or anyone else looking for them. He turned the lock with a satisfying click, and that alone seemed worth the added expense.

The blackout curtains were closed tight, and Dick twitched them apart to look at the street below. It was quieter than he'd expected a street in London to be, and he could almost have fooled himself into thinking he was still in Aldbourne if it weren't for the sounds of Nix exploring the room behind him, opening and shutting drawers and cataloguing the contents of the desk. Dick wondered if the room came with a bathtub, and then he wondered how much Nix would laugh at him if he said he wanted to add a bath to their itinerary. Dinner, a show, and a bath. Maybe he'd even be able to convince Nix to join him.

Dick let the curtains fall shut in time to turn and watch as Nix, his reconnaissance complete, threw their bags into a corner and then threw himself onto one of the beds, stretching out like a cat. 

"See what you think of these." Nix had asked the woman at the front desk to recommend some shows and brandished her list now. "Looks like most of them are comedies, not sure if you like that."

"Comedies are good," Dick said, coming over to inspect the list. He didn't recognize any of the titles, but that was all right. He generally enjoyed going to the theater, except for when it was terrible, but he didn't think he'd even mind it that much if they saw something awful, not when it still meant a couple hours of sitting in the dark with Nix laughing at his side and probably offering a running commentary about how good or bad the show turned out to be, leaning close enough that his lips brushed against Dick's ear with every whisper. Yeah, Dick would sit through pretty much anything for that. "Any of these would be fine."

"Yeah?" Nix pushed himself up on his elbows and was smirking up at him like he knew exactly where Dick's train of thought had been heading. "Then why do I get the feeling you wouldn't mind staying here the whole evening?"

"Well, not the whole evening," Dick said, sitting beside him on the bed. He set the list down on the bedside table, tucking a corner of it under the lamp so it wouldn't flutter away. "I don't want to miss the steak you're buying me for dinner."

That surprised Nix into a laugh. "Steak, he says. And here I always thought you'd be a cheap date. You know– oh, just get over here." And Dick never found out what Nix thought he should know, because he was pulling Dick down by the lapels of his jacket and leaning up to kiss him.

The angle was awkward, and Dick shuffled around until they were both lying on their sides and he could kiss Nix properly. He'd only seen Nix drink from his flask a couple of times as they made their way to London, but he could still taste the whiskey on Nix's lips, and the cigarettes too, neither of which he had a taste for at any other time except for when they were kissing, and then he couldn't get enough of them. Or at least, he couldn't get enough of Nix.

Dick was always careful not to touch Nix's hair too much when they kissed, never wanting to mess it up beyond what could be fixed in a hurry. But now he couldn't stop himself, especially when he found that Nix hadn't put much pomade in it that morning, and it was soft and thick enough that Dick could bury his fingers in it. He thought Nix liked it too, especially when he leaned into Dick's hands as if he wanted to keep them there, and then when he pulled back enough to smile up at him. "Missed you."

"You did?" He stroked Nix's hair, and Nix closed his eyes like he was about to start purring. Dick didn't think he'd ever seen him look so relaxed. "But you saw me yesterday."

Nix opened his eyes just to glare at him. "I can still miss you." He leaned closer so he could kiss Dick's neck, then the spot just beneath his ear. "All I've been thinking about is how I could get you away." His voice was muffled as he traced the path of Dick's jaw. "Thought about stealing you from that field yesterday morning, but I couldn't figure out how to do it without Harry noticing."

Or the rest of the company, not to mention Sink and Strayer, but Dick didn't bother pointing that out, nor how much he wished Nix really had managed to steal him away. He kept on stroking Nix's hair and swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. He'd always suspected he didn't know a thing about love and now he was sure of it: he hadn't known a thing about love before Lewis Nixon. Love had crept up on him, over days and weeks and years, and now Dick didn't know what to do with it. It felt like too much; too much to hold in, too much to keep to himself. He didn't know how he'd done it so far, how Harry or the Barneses or anyone else he knew didn't know exactly what he was feeling just by looking at him. How Nix didn't know, right now. It seemed impossible. It seemed like something he couldn't let stand.

And so Dick took a breath and said, "I love you."

He was tired of holding it in, tired of waiting to say it. What was he waiting for, anyway? Dick had always been strong in his convictions, never one to waver, and he knew what he felt. They could be going into combat at any moment, and he didn't want to make the jump with any secrets lingering between them. He didn't want any regrets, and he didn't want to spend the rest of his life wishing he'd said something and wondering what would have happened if only he'd been brave enough. Dick didn't even care if Nix didn't say it back. He just needed Nix to know.

Nix went still, his lips still pressed against Dick's jaw, and Dick could feel how his breath caught. Dick went still too, fingers stalling in Nix's hair mid-stroke until he let his hands fall uselessly to the bed. Nix wasn't moving, wasn't saying anything, but when he finally lifted his head his expression was unlike any Dick had ever seen on his face before. He was looking at him as if Dick had given him some great, unexpected gift, and he couldn't quite believe it was really his to take. 

But then Nix smiled and Dick thought it was just as well that the sun wasn't shining, because it never could've competed with the radiance of that. 

"Yeah, Dick. Love you, too," Nix said, and he was still smiling when Dick pulled him in for another kiss.


End file.
